At a press conference yesterday, White House spokesman Scott McClellan announced that all political and military authority in Iraq would be handed over to the Galactic Empire, starting October 1, 2003.

By ceding power to the Empire, the U.S. can free itself from the arduous and unenviable duty of policing Iraq, without losing face in front of the world. "The move is also beneficial to Iraq," McClellan added: the U.N. has no political authority over the Galactic Empire; as such, the Empire's nation-building efforts will not be "stymied by the relentless navel-gazing of the Earth's U.N. Security Council," Lord Vader, Supreme Commander of the Empire's armed forces, stated in a live-video interview from his lavish suite on the Executor, his Super Star Destroyer-class ship currently in orbit around Jupiter...