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Irrational Satire Microsoft Makes Mice Smaller BAR-ENDER
Posted by: on May 03, 03 | 10:37 am

Microsoft is once again a step ahead in the race to discover and fulfil the needs of its customers. Their newest device, which they hope to release early this summer and discontinue by 2004, will hopefully replace the mouse or touchpad for laptop users.

"It's funny we haven't thought about this before," one customer service representative commented. "We realize that space is a crucial issue in computers, especially laptops. The Beetle will save at least six cubic inches of space, and if your laptop comes in a skin-tight case, that's a significant amount." Touchpads and trackballs, she said "are no longer status symbols; everyone knows how annoying they are."

The Beetle is sturdy and sleek, combining the accuracy of a mouse and the size of a lima bean. So far, testing has been remarkably successful. The only drawback is that it can be very hard to avoid clicking both right and left buttons simultaneously. Large-fingered testers have reported an added inability to use the scrolling wheel between the buttons without moving the whole device. A prototype for a future cordless Beetle has been made, and Microsoft plans to advertise it as "small enough to accidentally swallow."

Microsoft hoped to name their new product "The Beatle," hoping to appeal to baby-boomers, but the owners of that registered name would only permit it to be used if the device were packaged with a full-sized poster of Paul McCartney that polled customers found offensive. According to their latest press release, Microsoft will continue to use the name "Beetle" and hope that no one asks about the spelling.




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