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Archives: December 2003

Tue Dec 23, 2003

Irrational Satire Santa Claus to Shut Down North Pole Operations BAR-ENDER
Posted by: on Dec 23, 03 | 11:02 am

Responding to an ever-tougher toy market and the expected summer melt of the North Pole by 2033, Santa Claus has announced that he will be closing the centuries-old North Pole Toy Factory, laying off the non-management elves, and outsourcing toy production to Chinese plastics conglomerate Tin Sow Manufacturer Enterprises.

"I was prepared to weather the Wal-Mart invasion into the toy market (they get 1 of every 4 dollars spent in toys worldwide now) and the dominance of Toys ‘R Us because we’ve got two things going for us: World- wide branding that starts earlier than everyone but McDonalds, and the fact that we don’t have to sell our product—-toys are given away as a Santa Claus branding leader."

"But the global warming thing is a mega-trend that we just have to get on board with. Our competition is moving to China, so we need to be there as well. Unfortunately, Elves don’t do well at temperatures above 0c, so most of them will be laid off and relocated to refugee centers in the South Pole."



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