Archives: November 2003
Fri Nov 21, 2003
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Having a Gas in Okefenokee Swamp | ![]() |
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Strange things happen in the 700 miles of mostly wet wilderness that comprise the Okefenokee Swamp. Read More... [0] comments (60 views) | permalink |
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Dean Wants to Be Candidate of Toothless, Inbred Yokels | ![]() |
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ATLANTA (DPI) - Presidential candidate Howard Dean angered Democrats by calling for the party to stop ignoring, in his words, "illiterate, Southern boobs." "For too long, we have left the knuckle-dragging, redneck morons with the impression that they're not wanted in the Democratic Party," said the former Vermont governor. "If we want to win elections, we're gonna need the vote of every racist goober we can find, so I say, let's address the concerns of the backwater trash, using small words and speaking as slowly as necessary to get those drooling hicks to understand." Members of his party have criticized Dean's approach, especially his decision to buy air time for his campaign on UPN. Read More... [0] comments (43 views) | permalink |
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2004 Presidency to be Decided on "Survivor" | ![]() |
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Washington, D.C. - In a move that turned the political world upside-down, Congress announced today that instead of having a traditional presidential election next November, candidates will compete on the popular reality game show "Survivor", winner take all. Read More... [0] comments (31 views) | permalink |
Mon Nov 17, 2003
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Refunds and Apologies for Matrix Revolutions | ![]() |
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Warner Bros has taken the unusual step of offering refunds to moviegoers who present a Matrix Revolutions ticket stub at any theater showing the release. Read More... [1] comments (38 views) | permalink |
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Southern Drawls Confuse Louisiana Phone System | ![]() |
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Southern drawls have thwarted voice recognition equipment used by the Shreveport Police Department to route non-emergency calls. Read More... [0] comments (31 views) | permalink |
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Students Compete for Pillow Fight Record | ![]() |
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Knocking the stuffing out of each other may also set a record if Oregon State University students are recognized for what they hope was the largest pillow fight in history. Read More... [0] comments (18 views) | permalink |
Wed Nov 12, 2003
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Comic Gives Teachers Lesson on Laughter | ![]() |
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Former standup comic Wil Watson has a lesson for teachers: make your job a laughing matter. Read More... [0] comments (35 views) | permalink |
Mon Nov 03, 2003
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High School Girls Pummel Man Who Exposed Himself | ![]() |
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A man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he was tackled by neighbors, police said on Friday. Read More... [0] comments (32 views) | permalink |
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Santa wanted for International Discrimination | ![]() |
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There were defiant vibes around the UN today as it passed a resolution to bring the Father of Christmas, aka Santa Claws, to an International Court of Justice. The resolution is aimed at Santas sinfully unfair delivery of presents to the world. With the USA, Japan and Europe making up 95% of Santas deliveries, it is clear that Santa is a real Scrooge when it comes to the rest of the World. Read More... [0] comments (30 views) | permalink |
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Dad Arrested After Pumpkin Attack | ![]() |
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A 43-year-old man faces charges after he smashed a bird-feeder and threw a pumpkin through the window of a house where his young son said he didn't get any Halloween candy. Read More... [0] comments (26 views) | permalink |