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Huh?! Ted Turner Sends Self Back In Time To Prevent AOL Time Warner Merger BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, March 13, 2003
ATLANTA--According to a videotaped message airing exclusively on CNN, media mogul Ted Turner has sent himself back in time to January 2000 to avert the catastrophic merger of America Online and Time Warner...
props to SlashNOT.

(Read More...)

Technology How Hydrogen Can Save America BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, March 13, 2003
Oil has held the United States hostage for a century, but the nation can be energy-independent in 10 years. Here's a five-point plan to reshape the economy...

(Read More...)

Face Transplants: Sign Me Up !!! BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, March 13, 2003
"...the harvesting or ''degloving'' of a face would take approximately two hours, depending on the depth of the excision. It is possible to remove not just skin and subcutaneous fat and muscle but....part of the donor's bone and cartilage as well. Still, the deeper the cut, the more complex becomes the reattachment."...

(Read More...)

Huh?! Lost Sequel to Orwell's '1984' Discovered BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, March 13, 2003
The literary community is elated by the emergence of an heretofore unknown manuscript by George Orwell, perhaps best known for authoring '1984'. While similar in concept and plot, '2004' has distinct differences...

(Read More...)

Huh?! Apple Threatens Satan BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Tuesday, March 11, 2003
Lawyers for Apple Computer have served notice to the Church of Satan that their use of the “Made with Macintosh” badge on their website constitutes a trademark violation.

Dread daemon-lord Baalzebub, speaking on behalf of Satan, had this to say: “We did receive notice from Apple Computer concerning a perceived trademark dispute. However, we in Hell are confident that our use of the Apple logo is in keeping with the fair-use provisions of Apple’s own web site badge program.”
props to SlashNOT.

(Read More...)

Claim: College Teacher Gave Extra Credit to War Protesters BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Tuesday, March 11, 2003
A Citrus College part-time instructor is accused of telling students they could get extra credit by writing President Bush to protest a possible war in Iraq. "Teachers and students should be free to express their political views in an atmosphere of respect and tolerance," says a dean. "But where students are beholden to the views of the instructor, we need to be especially careful." The teacher describes the allegations as "100% lies." ...

(Read More...)

Huh?! Bush Offers Taxpayers Another $300 If We Go To War BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Tuesday, March 11, 2003
WASHINGTON, DC--Amid growing anti-war protests and polls indicating eroding public support for an invasion of Iraq, President Bush is offering U.S. taxpayers a rebate in the amount of $300 if we go to war...

(Read More...)

Huh?! Plagiarism is an Ugly Word BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thurday, March 06, 2003
Plagiarism is an ugly word. Ung Lee, a Princeton Graduate, has won numerous awards for his writing, under the tutelage of Joyce Carl Oates. It's just that so many of those words were not his own.

(Read More...)

Huh?! Universe Even Darker and Scarier that Previously Thought BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, February 27, 2003
Using results from the Wilkinson Microwave Anisotropy Probe satellite, which has mapped the universal background microwave radiation going back to the Big Bang, scientists have discovered that we know next to nothing about everything.
But they have put a precise figure to how much we don’t know: We now know that we don’t know what 95.6% of the Universe is made of.
On the good side, we also know that the Universe is 13.7 billion years old, and that it will expand indefinitely until it reaches a state of complete entropy.
Given that we have apparently no interaction with the unknown 95.6% of the Universe, scientists have decided to give up on Astrophysics and turn the awesome power of the WMAP Satellite to determine the answers to pressing questions on Earth, such as the exact age of Zsa Zsa Gabor, the extent to which Marlon Brando will expand, and the exact material composition of Michael Jackson’s face.

(Read More...)

Huh?! Ready.Gov A Parody BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Monday, March 03, 2003
Is nothing sacred?! Evidently not. Be sure and check out the "Be Informed" section including Biological, Chemical, Explosions, Nuclear, and Radiation Threats.
"Disaster preparedness is no longer the sole concern of earthquake prone Californians and those who live in the part of the country known as "Tornado Alley." For Americans, preparedness must now account for man-made disasters as well as natural ones. Knowing what to do during an emergency is an important part of being prepared and may make all the difference when seconds count."
What are they parodying you ask? Find the original site at Ready.Gov. Does this count as a public service announcement?.

(Read More...)

Huh?! Programmers Beware: A Different Sort of "SynTax" BAR-ENDER
Posted by on Thursday, February 27, 2003
The ultimate sin tax: Nevada considers taxing hookers The manager of one of Nevada's finest brothels proudly walks the 297 acres that surround The Resort at Sheri's Ranch, pointing to the $7 million expansion that opened last year. She glows when talking about the sports bar, the themed bungalows, the Jacuzzi rooms.
"Business is good," says Laraine Harper.
So good that several influential Nevada lawmakers think the industry should do more than fulfill sexual fantasies. With the state facing a deficit of up to $704 million, some legislators want to tax the fees of Nevada prostitutes in what could be the ultimate sin tax...

(Read More...)

Posted by on Thursday, February 27, 2003
Seeking to bolster its Thursday-night Nielsen numbers, NBC announced Monday that it is cancelling the highly rated CBS drama CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. "CSI was a quality show that, unfortunately, always quite lived up to expectations," said Jeff Zucker, NBC president of entertainment. "We tried to give it plenty of time to lose an audience, but in the end, it just was working." Other shows NBC may cancel include Fox's American Idol, ABC's Alias, and CBS's Everybody Loves Raymond.

(Read More...)

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